My presentation for Orientation for research Workshop

I am not nervous at all for this presentation. But Dr. judith says it's not good for being not nervous AT ALL. Of course Too nervous is bad, but being not nervous at all is also no good. Hmmm.

Anyway I was presenting my preliminary literature review on the concept of strategic stability and the US-Korea relations on that matter. My poor English managed to pull me through except the moment when I blurted: "...much scholar in this field..." Dr. Judith interrupted: "excuse me, it's 'many', not 'much'...". Muahahaha *embarrassed* Primary school student pun tahu 'much' is uncountable and 'many' is countable kan. Haiz haiz.

"You know, I have a lot of variables in this study"
No, I didn't say that.

*Next slide*

"You take this"

"And then you put it here"
Again, it's a joke, people. J.O.K.E. a lame one, of course.

Q&A session. I truly appreciate when Dr. Judith and mates throwing bunch of questions at me. Many thanks, mates!

And I am very thankful I have a mate who recorded my presentation until the end. Although the video was recorded while holding vertically, I understand that my mate was recording with good intention that my whole body can be seen and to omit the annoying projector on the left. Again, many thanks, mate ;) When I replay the video I can't stop criticizing myself for being too soft. I can't even hear what am I talking about at some point of the presentation. And yes, the embarrassing moment was recorded too. *damn* Watch out my hand gestures too. I know, I love Tai Chi.

The ultimate procrastination

I wish I can procrastinate like Leonardo DaVinci.

Review and review

Weather is getting colder and I realise one very disturbing fact: I am so numb when the weather is cold!!!!

Back in Malaysia it is so hot that we have no choice but keep working, and only take a break (like sleeping the whole day) when it's cool breeze day or a rainy day especially during weekends!!!

And now we will be having cold monthssssss like for the next 5 months for the sake of autumn and winter.

I find it very difficult to wake up on 7 or 8a.m. in the morning because the temperature is only around 7-11 degree Celsius! Wanna rolling on the bed and sleep more! If possible hibernate the whole season... yeah I finally understand how the hibernating animals feel T_T

This is big black bear hibernating

I wanna sleep like a Grizzly bear!

But no. No procrastinating allowed. I have to finish reviewing Critical security studies and Failed Diplomacy no matter what.

Aja! Aja! Fighting!!!!

Academic Coffee Session at Malaysian Hall Melbourne

The moderator

First presenter: Kak Rohani. My heroin (not drug OK). She's the advocate of Fair Fare for Postgraduate Students of Victoria. A protest will be staged this Wednesday. Damn cool isn't it.

Second presenter, Kak Wan. She deals with Datuks and Tan Sris. Don't play-play.

The "audience" ^^

Nobody took my photo so... This is the 4th presenter, En. Haniff, also our Victorian Malaysian Postgraduate Students Association's Mr. President.

Actually there's nothing need to be nervous about this presentation.

Everyone is so friendly and sharing their research in a way "yeah, we're academicians and this is what we do".

Coolness.

Th feedbacks are quite interesting. I rewrote some part of my literature review on the tram on the way back. Thought of retype my ideas on my laptop as I arrive our room, but, malasnya! Hehehehehehe.

Oh, no, no, no. Say no to procrastination. sob. Have to open up my word document and work on it now. This is the function of this blog T_T

whoops! a bit nervous now

Nah, it's only a small presentation, relax, relax!

Self-conversation "The Secret" style: I know I will be doing good. (I want magic! The magic of Th Secret!)

The level of nervousness has actually reduced to "next-day-is-exam" kind of nervous, haha!

No big deal really. I find it weird that I am not worried about the next week's presentation which is at the university level.

Oh, I know, mesti sebab I tak kenal kebanyakan orang kat Malaysian Hall, huhu.
Relek! ^o^

Relaxed mind is the key to a good presentation. Although I feel like I don't know what to talk about, but eventually I will know what to talk about when I'm standing (or sitting) at the front.

It's always like that, for a good 13 years.

Cool weather, i Like!

It's going to be cool and cold next week. Yay!

Good reason to buy more clothes! T_T and oh yeah, how can i forget about the gorgeous boots ^^

Prepare for presentation

Thought of relax myself after getting my preliminary literature review done?

I have to present at Malaysian Hall on this coming Saturday. Am the first presenter so I have to rush there immediately after having nasi lemak with my friends at Lygon Street T_T Hmmm, not good for digestion isn't it T_T

Am going to be the first presenter as well for Research Workshop at the School of Social Sciences next week on 30th April.

I used to enjoy to be the first presenter in any occasions. Leaving university for so long (2 years!) makes me feel kinda nervous now: do I able to present confidently like I used to? Can I speak English fluently using academic English? Can I express myself and my ideas well to my audience?

Geez, I'm nervous! This nervousness feels familiar, like the first time I was assigned to be the MC for International Conference where the audience are professors from France, China, Philippines, Korea, and Datuks and professors from Malaysia.

And it's been ages since I last use Microsoft Powerpoint! LOL

OK, while I'm still struggling with Microsoft Word 2007, now I have to struggle to figure out where are all the PowerPoint 2003 functions and buttons "misplaced" to in this 2007 version T_T


Just a few slides only. Easy, easy.

I have not settled on my topic yet. My supervisor tells me: "Don't worry about topic, topic comes last."

So I have to put up my "sorry" title there, and expect to have questions like "why is your presentation does not really related to your title?", "Why you use US-Korea and not US-North Korea or US-South Korea?", "Why...?", etc, etc.

I have my standard answer prepared already. Relax. just hope they can be convinced. Erm, will they? T_T

Relax, Ping, you are going to do just well, like you used to! (Self-bloating process is neccessary at the time like this)

Finally, I can 'rest'/sleep in peace.... for one morning

I don't care about spelling errors anymore, if there's any. After a torturous quadruplet-checking on my final draft.

Today is record-breaking day, I can go to sleep earlier at 5:10 a.m., not 6 something :)

Have to wake up before noon, need to go to meet my boss, attend workshop, and finally, go to gym for work out after a 1 week break T_T

Almost there!

Thank goodness! I'm almost done with my preliminary literature review! I'm going to sleep for 12 hours straight on Thursday night to compensate my lost sleeping hours for the last 5 days!!!

And then will resume my reading and writing 'spree' on Friday :)

It's another morning

It's 6:10 a.m. now, cars are roaming on the road, can be heard from my room because I stay near to Plenty Road, the road that directs to Melbourne CBD in 20 minutes.

I wish to review 2 more articles. My brain is actually still fresh (may be), but my eyes are tired. But I'm afraid I can't fall asleep. It happened so many times before, that if I have unfinished things to do on my mind, I would be struggling hard to sleep because my mind couldn't rest despite the fact that I can't open my eyes anymore, and that I always realise my eyebrows are locking---a sign of stressed and tension. Though I try to relieve them, they will be back in locking condition without me knowing it until hours later found myself sleepless, again.

May be it's caffeine overdose, my throat felt uneasy. I have ulcers in my mouth because I mess up my biological clock for 4 days straight: sleep at 5 or 6 a.m., wake up at 12 or 1 p.m., having breakfast at noon, lunch at evening and no dinner, working overnight until dawn. And yeah, not to mention the never-ending pimples on my forehead and my lower chin. HAIZ.

In less than 3 hours the cleaner will enter my room. Shall I go to my office before that? What time should I go and meet my long-time-no-see supervisor?

Geez, I just wrote a freaking 3 paragraphs worth of writing! If only I can write my literature review in this pace, LOL.

Good morning people, it's time for me to sleep now.

Critiquing in literature review

Critiquing

1. When critiquing the ideas of others, try to offer a fair critique.
2. Do not assume the reader is familiar with the work you are referring to, provide a summary of the main ideas.
3. Provide accurate and balanced summaries of the work of others.
4. Back up your critique with supportive commentary, thorough explanation, substantiation, and references.
5. Provide an alternative to existing approaches, backed up with supportive commentary and references.
6. Critique the general structure of a claim, not minor points.
7. Acknowledge points of agreement and indebtedness.
8. Do not overplay or underplay the significance of your own or others’ work.
9. Reference accurately.

Source: University of South Australia

Strongly recommended for students and peers who are working on literature review with our soul and spirit... and may be life T_T

I'm not going to sleep tonight

One down, two more to go!

I didn't sleep at night for the past 3 days. I sleep at dawn or morning, and wake up at noon.

Aja! Aja! fighting!

No! No! to procrastination!

Reviewing Clinton and Bush Administrations' North Korea Policy and security alliance with South Korea.

"The greater danger for most of us is not
that our aim is too high and we miss it,
but that it is too low and we reach it."
- Michelangelo

The dynamics of Korean Peninsula on the regional strategic stability

The Korean Peninsula

When can we see the unified-Korea which is no longer divided into two on the world map?

People say: "Not in this decade" for 3 to 4 times already. So now they say: "Not in the near 50 years".

Next would be "Not in this century" ?

Reunification issue is not a main concern in my thesis, so, no worries.

"Strategic stability is about maintaining control over the policy-making process."

Bernard Loo (2005) Middle Powers and Accidental Wars

Loo (2005) shows how strategic culture, geography, military-strategic considerations and political conditions interact to either ensure or undermine strategic stability.

I finally managed to finish reviewed his book in time. But I didn't manage to review another important article by tonight :(

It is Hwang Jihwan's "Realism and U.S. Foreign Policy toward North Korea: The Clinton and Bush Administrations in Comparative Perspective".

I wish to look for Hwang's PhD dissertation, I could not get it from Google or Google Scholar, may be I should look for it in University of Colorado's database. Or should I contact him by email right away? Not until I get a nod from my boss on my research question I guess :) Or else I will be asking stupid questions and people would question my standard, not good to sia suey my university isn't it^^

Talking about contacting scholars, I should contact Loo as well if possible.

I have to apply for ethical approval in August, for that I need to contact Professor Yoon Hyun-Kun to see if interview could be arranged for next year. And of course to inquire at Seoul National, Korea, Yonsei, and Sogang University for possibility to host me as visiting PhD student.

Aiya, candidature belum confirm dah kena fikir pasal benda-benda ni, pening----tapi apa boleh buat, kalau betul-betul nak habis belajar dalam masa tiga tahun.

Inilah "dynamic" kehidupan pelajar PhD tajaan kerajaan :)

OK, get back to read and write, see how much I can do for the article before I go to sleep at 5 or 6 a.m. later!

Clausewitz and Machiavelli, how would you think of today's world?

Carl Philipp Gottlieb von Clausewitz

Dear Clausewitz, if you had witnessed World War I and World War II followed by a approximately 50 years of Cold War between USA and USSR, how would you define the so-called Post-Cold War era?

Would you disagree with the new thinkers such as Ken Booth, Steve Smith, especially Alexander Wendt and Peter Katzenstein, who advocate constructivism by proposing cultural factor as the major proponent over military factor in assessing international politics? This view is challenging your "realistic" view ON WAR and conflict and nature of human. (Sorry to say, I have no idea how to finish reading your Vom Kriege; I truly salute my former lecturer Mahmud Embong as the only person I know who read every page of it T_T).

Young Clausewitz, good looking, yummy (oops)

How would you view nuclear warfare? Would you think it is nothing different from conventional warfare?

Professor Stephen Walt, handsome isn't he?

What would you think of Stephen Walt's balance-of-threat as differ from your balance-of-power? Stephen Walt is one of my idols (I damn love his IR's theory for lovers a valentine's guide!)

I would love to have a Матрёшка doll. Source: The StPetersburger

Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli

Dear Machiavelli, having to read your book twice to understand your advice to your prince, I wonder if you will advise today's leaders to be more cunning (given that they themselves are already cunning, and your role is to increase their cunning-ness in order to achieve maximum gain through any means to ensure state survival and profit national interests) to make this world (which is anarchic in nature as you and Thucydides suggested) more chaotic, if you have witnessed the 9/11 incident and experienced globalization.

How would you advice the leader you serve, in the world with more than 190 states and the increasing number of international organizations, to perceive the threats from the adversarial states and to or not level up your military-preparedness for war?

Most important of all, how would both of you assess today's Korean Peninsula? I really hope you can come to my dream and talked to me. Although I'm not that smart, I truly madly deeply and sincerely love to have intelligent discussions with you or your ghosts!

And yes, I love authentic Italian Pizza (Pizza Hut is an insult to REAL Pizza).

OK, get back to my literature review!

Why say no to procrastination

Procrastination is a behavior which is characterized by deferment of actions or tasks to a later time.

Which is pretty much "practiced" by postgraduate students, hence creates a "applying for extension" phenomenon that results in us hearing people say:

• He used 8 years to complete his PhD!
• She is in her 10th year! OMG are we allowed to extend THAT long???

Psychologists often cite procrastination as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision.---Fiore, Neil A (2006). The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt- Free Play. New York: Penguin Group. ISBN 9781585425525. p. 5

For an individual, procrastination may result in stress, a sense of guilt, the loss of personal productivity, the creation of crisis and the disapproval of others for not fulfilling one's responsibilities or commitments. These combined feelings can promote further procrastination.

Although I am ashamed of it, I have to confess that I am currently suffering the syndromes described above.

While it is normal for people to procrastinate to some degree, it becomes a problem when it impedes normal functioning. Chronic procrastination may be a sign of an underlying psychological or physiological disorder.

Which means procrastination can leads to depression, making it a habit with self-defeating mentality, or worst, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

I don't want to put myself under such circumstances, risking my job if I failed my PhD or anything like that.

While academic procrastination is not a special type of procrastination, procrastination is thought to be particularly prevalent in the academic setting, where students are required to meet deadlines for assignments and tests in an environment full of events and activities which compete for the students' time and attention. More specifically, a 1992 study showed that "52% of surveyed students indicated having a moderate to high need for help concerning procrastination".

Some students struggle with procrastination due to a lack of time management or study skills, stress, or feeling overwhelmed with their work.

But perhaps, my procrastination is associated with perfectionism. I have a tendency to negatively evaluate outcomes and my own performance, intense fear and avoidance of evaluation of my abilities by others, heightened social self-consciousness and anxiety, recurrent low mood, and workaholism.

I am over-concern with my use of English in my writing, I am ashamed that my English is not up to the standard of postgraduate research students in Australia, I am worried that my thoughts are not organized systematically in my writing, I am afraid I cannot get my candidature confirmed by the end of this year. I am so f*cking afraid that I will fail my PhD and return to Malaysia to pay debt for the rest of my life.

Chill out, mate.


Just do it!

*all definitions and descriptions come from Wikipedia*

I love this the best, but, no, don't do this^^